Tube face.
Birb!
Birds actually like to stick their heads in things and chirp/sing because of the way the sound waves bounce off the inside. It’s like the birb version of when you yell HELLOOOOO into a canyon to hear the echo :)
why wasn’t I tagged in this ?????
HE WAS SINGING THE CHOCOBO THEME
when i heard there’s only one wizarding school in america, i laughed incredulously, and i know i’m not the only one. one school for the whole huge country? obviously brits don’t have any idea how big america is! cue derisive anecdotes about visitors who thought they could visit hollywood as a day trip from new york.
but recently something’s occurred to me: what if ilvermorny IS the only ‘wizarding school’ in america, with ‘wizarding school’ being defined as a wizard-only establishment where they teach nothing but magic?
aside from how unprepared that leaves kids for the rest of life, there just isn’t the population density to support wizard-exclusive pocket-universe enclaves anywhere but the east coast and possibly los angeles. even chicago is more spread out than that, and when it comes to mid-size cities like minneapolis and st. louis, forgeddaboudit. not even wizards would choose to live crammed cheek by jowl on quaintly crooked pedestrian-only streets when they could have a three-bedroom prairie-style on a wooded half-acre in edina.
so i’m thinking, yeah, ok, most american magicals don’t send their kids to wizard school. kids go to regular school and have wizarding clubs and retreats and summer camps instead. gives new meaning to “one time at band camp.”
the pureblood prejudice never developed in america? well, of course not, no one but the hamptons set goes even a single day without interacting with muggles. most of your friends are going to be muggles. there aren’t enough magical jobs for everyone, so most people’s coworkers will be muggles. except we wouldn’t call them muggles, of course, and certainly not ‘no-maj’ – that sounds like something that was said for a while by one particular new york jet set clique in the 1920′s and got written down in an english etiquette book as ‘what americans say’. we’d probably call them ‘mundanes’ or ‘normals’ if we called them anything at all.
the stuff about wand permits and other odd regulations makes sense for a small bureaucracy that doesn’t really understand why it can’t control things the way european magical governments do. it’s kind of a cargo cult legislation. probably most americans don’t even use a wand most of the time. european wand-focused magic might be the Done Thing among the WASP contingent, but everyone else undoubtedly knows at least something about navajo healing ritual, haitian voodoo, lakota dance magic, chinese feng-shui warding techniques, etcetera. taking away a person’s wand doesn’t take away their magic. you can’t say ‘corn pollen permit’ with a straight face and they sell chalk at the corner store.
i expect american wizards look at the hogwarts set as kind of a weird sect with weird restrictions and weird costumes. like the amish, but instead of furniture and quilts, they export clueless young men.
if I lick your brain will I gain your creativity?
i don’t know but it’s worth a try
also no one else will be able to eat it because it’s got your germs on it, which will be handy if zombies
this has always pretty much been my whole exact understanding of the hp universe
i also figured a lot of american magic is in english instead of the pseudo greek/latin British spells since, unlike British schools, most Americans never study those, so our spells are like ‘Fire’, ‘Unlock", “Magic Missile’
also american wands have gun grips or are baseball bats
when i was a kid i made a wand out of a piece of copper pipe with brass end caps, and carried it around with me for most of a year; i know a lot of kids who had walking sticks from summer camp or hiking, and pretended they were magic. hell, i bet a lot of wizard kids learn to cast with a #2 pencil, just from idly messing around.
also, spells based on superhero powers: definitely a thing.
imagine some baddie trying to AK someone and getting hit by SHAZAM in return.
american wizards learn how to do spider-man webbing out of wands the way kids learn to do that one S symbol
source: remember those dumb/racist comics ron had in his room? that’s all they got. britwizards don’t know a single spider-man
spells based on d&d too, i bet. and not nearly as much distinction between ‘dark arts’ and the rest, largely because a lot of the nonwhite arts got classified as Ebil Scary Bad by anglos, and the rest of america wasn’t having it. in louisiana, knowing the voodoo lady can raise the dead just speaks to the high quality of her marching powder.
florida wizards can use pool noodles as wands
not a single british wizard has ever returned from florida
dude florida is just one big messy cryptid zone, the ‘florida man’ phenomenon is real and ‘hold my beer’ is a very powerful spell
edit: ok, wizarding america IS silly, just not the way rowling thought
THIS ENTIRE THREAD IS GOLD
I made a helpful guide to identifying breed traits of a Norweigan Forest Cat
Japanese child actress Mana Ashida (little Mako) was embarrassed that she couldn’t pronounce Guillermo Del Toro’s name so he gave her special permission to call him “Totoro-san” instead.
My Neighbor Guillermo Del Toro.
If I don’t reblog this, assume I’m dead.
Guillermo del Totoro
Why aren’t Fruit Bat Vampires a thing???? Like they have 15 fridges or somehing and are obsessed with watermelons and pineapples. They are more day-light and people friendly. Like super chill. They love just chilling in flowerbeds. They like to farm and garden. “Why would you attack a human WHEN YOU COULD HAVE THIS NECTARINE??”
…that’s adorable I need one.
Always drinking fruit juice, always inviting you to the damn smoothie bar, always at the damn farmer’s market
They bug their werewolf friends to eat more fruit. ‘You’ll get scurvy if all you eat is porkchops!’
That awkward moment when a 4am post pops back on your dash XD
It’s 4pm here and I still love this idea
Look, @smurflewis, you asked a question that needs answering.
“You’re not drinking, Count?”
The count gave a small smile, expressing rueful regret as he gazed at the deep red liquid swirling in his guest’s glass and replied; “I do not drink…. vine…. “
From behind his cape he pulled out a small box with a picture of a happy looking parrot emblazoned on it, a bendy straw sticking out of the top; “Now grape juice.. zat I can chug like zere is no tomorrow!”
OKAY BUT I’D READ AN ENTIRE BOOK ABOUT INCONGRUOUS VAMPIRES AND OTHER MONSTERS.
LIKE I REALLY WOULD.
Except guys, the fruitbats are mostly from the, area between India and Australia.
So fruitbat vampires would not have a Romanian/Hungarian accent, they’d sound Indian or Fillipino or Aussie or something.
So more like:
“Yeah mate, these poppers are heaps good. Don’t know why you fools go are all for O positive.”
IM AUSTRALIAN sO WHY ARENT I BLESSED WITH A FRUIT BAT VAMPIRE LOVER YET ???
the universe is a fool
I HAVE IDEAS. TERRIBLE, WONDERFUL IDEAS.
He bit down, the red liquid squirting out through the tiny holes. It seeps down, staining his fingers red, and dripped to the floor.
“Matt, why are you biting the juice box? Use the fuckin straw”
“I’m,,,I’m experiencing my roots,,,,”
okay but consider: Stellaluna where the plot is the same but instead of bats it’s vampires
While on safari in Africa, on the Okavango Delta, Botswana photographing wildlife, this leopard had made a kill and brought it to her cub high in a tree. While her cub was safe feeding, she made her way back down the tree through some heavy grass toward me with her head down. For a brief moment she lifted her head and I was able to get the shot. Her damaged eye did not effect her ability to hunt. After reviewing the shot it was almost as if this magnificent cat had an eye on the Universe.
Photo credit and info: © Wayne Wetherbee
So my boss once robbed a museum to prove a point and honestly, I think she is my new role model.
If this gets notes I’ll tell the full story
Storu
Many years ago, my boss was working at this museum and they had these original Churchill documents on display. These documents are worth millions of dollars… The only thing separating the public from these documents was a sheet of glass secured with 4 philips head screws. Seriously. No security guards in the room, no cameras, just an easily removable piece of glass.
My boss pointed out the security concern, but she wasn’t taken seriously, so she took matters into her own hands.
She bought a ticket and pretended to be a guest. She entered through the main entrance with a huge drill clearly visible on her belt, went straight to the documents and opened the case with the drill. (While wearing gloves,) she removed the documents, put them in a folder, reattached the glass, and walked out the main exit. Literally no one even questioned her.
She immediately went around to the back of the museum, entered using the staff entrance and went straight to her boss’s office. She dropped the folder on his desk and said “I just stole these in 15 minutes“
Once he was done being mad at her, he listened and the museum increased security.
If you look official you can do anything.
I don’t think there’s an applause gif big enough to properly convey my reaction to this.
Also, I love that if anyone tries to say that you’re just “another hack fic writer with no ideas of her own who is jealous of the “real” writers out there”, they could quite literally be crushed under your catalog of award-winning original writing as a response. They can’t dismiss your stance on this topic the way they do to so many unpublished / fanfic writers because you’ve already met all of the standards that they insist someone has before they’ll accept their opinion as worth listening to.
Right?
“Well, fanfic authors never win awards, so–”
“WOULD YOU LIKE TO HOLD MY HUGO.”
“That’s basically, it’s, you know, the People’s Choice, so–”
“LOOK AT MY NEBULA.”
“That’s a science fiction award, it doesn’t really–”
“LOOK I’VE WON THE ALEX.”
“…”
“IT’S GIVEN BY THE SAME PEOPLE WHO GIVE THE NEWBURY.”
“…”
“I’M THE FIRST PERSON TO WIN IT TWICE IN A ROW.”
“…well you wrote porn.”
“GOSH I SURE DID.”
More attention to this, please. :) From yet another of the I Wrote Fanfic First And I Decline To Feel Shame About It brigade.
(And I also wrote for My Little Pony, which means I may have inadvertently contributed something to Seanan’s state of being. [Which I will file under the “Quiet Unholy Glee” heading.])
:)))
“So archontic literature and women’s writing, at least in the English language, have been linked for at least four hundred years, and from the first, the act of women entering the archives of male-authored texts and adding their own entries to those archives has generated conflict. Wroth, who was Sidney’s niece, received sharp criticism for writing the Urania from fellow noble Sir Edward Denny, who lambasted her for producing a romance, a type of work unseemly for a woman - the only appropriate genres for women writers being, according to Denny, translations of scripture and other devotional material. Wroth responded to Denny by parodying a poem that Denny had written to censure her. She adopted his rhyme scheme, including the exact rhyming words, and defended herself archly, demonstrating that a female writer could freely enter and add to any male-authored archive she wished, and that such archontic activity could be a successful technique for critiquing the style or message of the male writer’s writing.”
—
Derecho, A. (2006). Archontic literature: A definition, a history, and several theories of fan fiction. Fan fiction and fan communities in the age of the internet, 61-78.
In this paper, Derecho is interested in fanfiction as an art form rather than simply a social phenomenon, which was the predominant approach in fan studies at the time. Theorising how fanfiction works, she coins the term “archontic literature”. This is partly an attempt to move away from value-laden words such as “derivative” or “appropriative”. “Archontic” refers to the idea of an archive, which is ever-expanding, and where the addition of any new work alters the entire archive. Derecho also uses “originary” (rather than “original” or “source”) for a work which may serve as inspiration for fanfiction. Conceptualising fanfiction in this way allows for a less hierarchical view of the relationship between fanfiction and the works it is based on. Derecho argues that fanfiction is part of a wider genre of archontic literature - works based and building on other existing works. She traces a history of archontic writing, showing how it has often been used as a tool of social and cultural critique by minority and marginalised groups. She gives a number of examples including women’s writing from the 17th century, and more recently postcolonial and ethnic American literature such as Alice Randall’s The Wind Done Gone.
(via fanhackers)
So there’s today’s new word. “Archontic.” (Though it collides in my head a bit with usages involving archons, particularly in the Gnostic sense…)
@alesslethaldress relevant to your interests i believe
thats a valid question
A communion wafer, according to the internet, is about .25g. Jesus was a healthy young man, who worked manual labor and walked everywhere. The average male in Biblical times was 5′1″ and about 110 pounds so call it 50kg or 50,000 grams. So 200,000 wafers to make up a whole Jesus. At one wafer a week that’s 3846 to eat a whole Jesus at weekly communion. If you went to Mass daily you could do it in under 550 years.
1000 communion wafers from Amazon costs $15, so acquiring a Jesus load would set you back about $3000
But that’s just the body. Jesus also bade his followers to drink his blood. How much of that Jesus communion wafer supply needs to be replaced with communion wine to account for his blood, and how much of that would need to be consumed to have drunk all his blood as well?
The human body contains roughly 5 liters of blood.
Communion wine costs about $66 for a case of 12 x 750 ml bottles (9000 ml).
So half a case is 4500 ml, or close enough if Jesus was on the small side which is reasonable given what we know of the times.
Thus, Jesus’ blood would be about 6 bottles of communion wine, costing $33.
How much of his weight was his blood, now? We can bring down the wafer count.
Osnap what an excellent question.
Water has a specific gravity of 1.0 and weighs 1kg/liter. Wine has a specific gravity if 1.5 thus weighs 1.5kg per liter.
4.5L of wine would weigh 6.75kg or about 15 pounds.
Reducing the wafer load by 6.75kg yields 43.25kg so call it 161,000 wafers or $2450 and change.
Full Metal Eucharist
The Unholy Union of Catholic Tumblr and Math Tumblr
This is one of those posts I will absolutely email to every pastor I know.
Here are a few more, for your birding needs:
please allow me to thank you by giving you one in return
Thank you for your contribution to the birding community
Here is some more helpful identification knowledge of birbs
for you
how could y’all forget the most important one?
Update: Sauron is not afraid of hobbits. He was unaware that hobbits existed up until very recently. he literally did not have time to be afraid of them, they went from a 0 to 100 threat level in twenty seconds. There he was, minding his own business worrying about the usual Elves and Men when suddenly these kids are on his lawn and now he’s dead, like just;
What did— who–
did I just get one-shotted by an infant how is this occurring
Honestly I have to love this whole thought process that the Fellowship must have cultivated in Sauron, like…
“These children have found the Ring! But they’re taking it to the elves, of course. I will simply have to catch them on the way.”
“Well, the elves are still not to be trifled with, it seems. It looks as though they have a group of intrepid heroes, how cute! Wait, who’s leading them? Aw, hell.”
“OKAY! Olorin’s out of the way, and now I can finally kill them all and reclaim the- OH DAMMIT, IT’S IN LOTHLORIEN.”
“Well, okay. They’ve taken it onward. Curunir says one of the halflings is still carrying the ring, so he’s going to capture them and we’ll see how this develops. Thankfully Olorin’s still out of the picture and their little group just shattered into pieces, so that’s one less thing to worry about.”
“Aaaaaand Curunir shat the bed. Excellent. Trees, who would have thought? Okay, so we’re back to plan A: conquer Gondor, because if the Ring’s going to be anywhere, it’ll be there.”
“Wait, who’s on the– Isildur’s WHAT? Ohhhh. Ohohoho. Oh now everything makes sense. Isildur’s Heir is back, and he’s here being all prideful again. That’s fine. Really. I’ll just crush him and his kingdom, and then nobody can stop me!”
“WHAT? FUCKING WHAT? THEY SENT HIM BACK? Ugh, alright, alright, I’m cool, I’m fine. He’s still got that stupid wizard costume on, and I’m still stronger than he ever was. It’s not like he can come toe to toe with me, even if he does have an army behind him. This’ll be fine.”
“They’re… actually marching on the Black Gate? Sweet lord, I didn’t think they’d actually do it! This is perfect, everyone’s right here! Olorin, the human princeling, most of the remaining fighting forces of Men, all I have to do is kill them now and– Wait. Someone just put on the Ring. Someone just– That’s a halfling. They’re inside the mouNTAIN OH GOD NAZGUL GO GO G–”
…aaaaaand curtain.
